I’m obsessed by drama. I desperately want my life to be dramatic. I think, somehow, this will maximize my legacy.
Legacy. What a word for yourself. Does even such a person as George W. Bush or Martin Luther King, Jr., have any business bringing up his legacy? Is this any more than an example of the obsession I have? Isn’t it just better to let legacy take care of itself?
No,no and yes. By the way, I suspect Martin King never worried much about his legacy while George Bush gave it a lot of thought. But that’s just me.
But shouldn’t we, especially the many of us to whom the word “legacy” seems most inappropriate, be highly aware of our legacy?
For the record, I am, essentially, ashamed of the legacy I expect will be mine. My son and I are estranged. My grandchildren know me almost not at all, having not seen me for years. Years in which they have grown up. I hardly ever feel sexy anymore, what with hardly being able to walk.
On the plus side, I guess I can claim to have tried to be true to the things I most believe. Yet I have no idea what to believe. I have no idea what reality is. Therefore I know not what to believe. In this regard I am either a victim or a beneficiary of acid, depending on whether reality is what we usually think it to be, or something very different.
I only did acid once. I was, even then, before having any knowledge of the drug’s power, afraid of what it might do. I took it in the presence of someone I loved and trusted, safe from intrusion from outsiders, and in a beautiful, peaceful, environment. I had a great trip. I’m very glad I did it. But acid made me realize that reality is what we perceive it to be. The magnitude of that realization cannot be overstated. Nothing has been the same since.
All in all, though, I think I am ashamed of the legacy. Perhaps it is largely because I simply hope I am wrong in thinking I had a Vision. Perhaps it is merely a fear what I perceived is true.