Got an e-mail from Jim McKinniss, the friend and photographer of The Call’s cover. (Also look at http://jim_mckinniss.photoworkshop.com/ to see more of his excellent work.) He commented on what an emotional roller coaster I seem to be on. Absolutely dead on.
Here’s how it feels today:
I’m very much afraid I may have committed to a course of action from which there is no retreat, no return. Certainly not to anything resembling “normalcy.” Perhaps not even from “being on the road.” I’m beginning to see how one thing can force another, and then another, and others beyond that. I’m trying to see my way to turn all this promotional activity into an “advance to the rear,” as a General at the Chosin Reservoir was once quoted (Korean War), so I can actually start making headway back home. But it’s not entirely easy to do.
Trouble is that, unlike Al Gore, I really believe myself when I talk about environmental calamity.
The water is deep and very swift. Our mother, Gaia, is being swept away. I saw that, and sought no counsel, nor heeded that which many offered. I dove in. I am committed, and the current has me, too. It’s far too strong, I will probably drown here, in this whirlpool I find myself in.
Of that I’ve actually been fairly certain since the train almost hit me in Beziers(see the book).
Some say it’s just an eddy of my own construction, but I don’t. I don’t even think it is a whirlpool only I see. The rapidity with which so many turn their heads and look away from the vortex each time it’s pointed out belies that claim.
But, still, none of that matters. I’m in the stream now. I must do what I must do. I know of no other way to open people’s eyes.
If our mother is to be saved, others will have to throw lifelines, for no one person can do this. They needn’t lose their footing, though, as I appear to have. You who also see and react need to keep your lines tethered, or you, too, will flail against the current. But if my sacrifice moves some of you to commit–to really start taking this seriously–then I will be content. As content as is possible, knowing what I do.
Some have already thrown me lines. First and foremost, Barbara, my wife, partner and editor for twenty-three years. But Pann and Lee, Rick and Linda, Steve, Elfriede, Jim, Kris, Roger, Rod and Pat, E.J., Chelsea, Dan and many, many others have also helped in untold ways, not the least of which is their continued belief in my sanity, as hard as that often is for any of us.
But certainly most of all, through their continued love. I want so much to thank them. But what I really owe them is an apology. I am so sorry for the hurt my actions will cause you, or already have. I love you all.
Sorry, no talk of A-wordholes as promised last time. Not up for a lighthearted go at it just now.