I no longer imagine myself young–that was a good period.
Now I think I’m old,
And I’m disappointed with myself.
I thought I could win,
or at least make a difference.
Save the world or make it better.
But I guess I knew not what it was I was up against.
Now I know I will not win,
Nor even make a difference.
My biggest mistake may have been that I apparently thought I could do it by myself.
Just set the example and watch everyone else line up.
Maybe I set the wrong example,
Or one I never even knew I was setting.
My son never speaks to me.
I don’t even know how to reach his mother.
That was a mistake from the get-go.
She was always crazy,
and I thought I could fix her.
Same thing, in a sense, happened with my fourth wife
Though hers was not so much insanity as hurt inflicted by her father
And I did not see it at first, nor do I want to give up–yet,or ever
Come to think of it, that was Carol’s craziness, too.
My son now thinks of my third wife as his mother.
While I hold her in greater contempt than all the others,
He regards her far higher than he does me.
But I guess my failing with her is as much mine as hers.
Probably true of the others as well.
Maybe he’s the right one.