On Seizing Up

I’m beginning to seize up. I’ve long known it would eventually happen.  But I probably never thought about it until the MS began to Advance.   And I’m sure I never expected it to come on in such a slow way.

About the same time as I thought about it I realized several of my friends have already
seized.  It is the usual way of dying, as many of them have done.

One day all is well, then you’re dealing with nothing but death, or at best handicap.

I’m trying to deal with it by avoiding the issue of death altogether.  There’s no way to avoid the handicap, I’m afraid.  Distractions like the climate ride, environment, space advocacy, and things I think I know that no one else does. Chief among those is how they are all connected.

How is it that I can be so sure of something that everyone else doesn’t see?  To me it is simply so clear that we’re not going to save it.   The planet.  Writ large–meaning none of it, not even the cockroaches.  And once that seems to be sure, how can one possibly think of anything else other than that  we have to get off.

One of the surprising ways that I only recently discovered was that I might find myself seizing up through the device of not getting enough done, or perhaps more accurately, being ineffective.

In particular if I haven’t accomplished anything, or appear to irrational to most observers, then committing suicide would be futile.

And I don’t seem to be getting anything done, or which strikes anyone as being too rational.

Maybe this constitutes a real survival strategy.

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One Response to On Seizing Up

  1. Dallas Smith says:

    George, I’m sorry that you are forced to endure the MS progression. After Ram Das (aka Richard Alper) had his stroke, he remarked, “I am not my body.”…meaning he was an observer of his body’s infirmity, but he had the continuing presence of mind to separate himself from his physical symptoms. I hope you will be able to do something similar. Or, whatever works for you. All the best, Dallas

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