You may recall my having discussed “being seized up” earlier in this blog. It occurs whenever something happens to a person that supersedes his/her preferred life goal, such as a painful injury or the sudden onset of hospitalization. If one allows for even short term attention being taken away by sudden events such as a car heading directly at you with a potential collision speed in excess of 120 miles per hour, then it is easy to say that we virtually all seize up prior to our deaths.
But how do you know whether it’s already happened to you or not? For sure, it can come on quite stealthily, as in avoidance, for example. How do I know that this blog itself isn’t some sort of avoidance of doing what I regard as my real life work?
Maybe even the manner of living that is based on the desire to live a little bit longer–or perhaps to live forever (which may be the same thing)–is no more than a symptom of the seizing up. After all, isn’t this one of the main reasons so many die with fortunes still in their names?
Today it feels like perhaps I have seized up. But today it feels like it may have already happened. Best indication that is not so is the fact I’m trying to write this blog.
I wonder sometimes why I put so much energy into this blog anyway. There are only about thirty subscribers. At one time I used a mailing list to let people know I’d posted something, giving something more than 200 people a taste of each entry and a link to follow if they wanted to read the rest. But an internet consultant, who charged me way too much to start with, advised me that that would get me in real trouble and I stopped doing it. Still, I think coverage was better then.
One of the indications I may have seized is that I seem to have given up on trying to extend my blog’s exposure.